Top image: Zachary Tang / RICE File Photo
Just the other day, I caught myself unironically telling my partner I would “circle back and follow up” with him.
No, we don’t work together—we were simply discussing applying for a flat.
At that moment, I realised I’d become the corporate-jargon-spouting CBD worker that I used to despise.
It’s not just the slow creep of corporate speak into my daily vocab either. My partner and I live and die by our shared Google Calendar—it’s how I remember we have pilates class at 11 AM and are supposed to discuss health screenings at 7 PM. Our list of date night ideas is pinned on our Telegram chat. We also do daily check-ins—stand-up meetings, if you will—to catch up on how each other is feeling.
We’ve essentially been project-managing our relationship.
In efficiency-driven Singapore, it’s not all that surprising. Among six Singaporean couples I spoke to, shared calendars, scheduled check-ins, and structured targets were the most common manifestations of corporate culture in their relationships.
And for all of them, it’s been a game-changer for their love lives.
This Valentine’s Day, I’m curious about what it takes to sustain a relationship beyond the occasional rose bouquets and fancy dinners. For the other days of the year, how do Singaporeans put in the real work to maintain their relationships? And is our Singaporean obsession with productivity colouring the way we water our relationship gardens?
Synergise, Optimise, Prioritise
When those saucy leaked texts between a vice principal and his alleged affair partner went viral last year, the internet was entertained by his terribly unsexy flirting. “I wan to lick your vaginal”? Come on, man.
But equally notable was the post-date minutes where he formally listed action items, including “to acknowledge each other’s texts” and “update each other on our programme for the day”.
It wasn’t romantic by any means. I would even characterise it as a severe lack of game. When I think of romance, I think of spontaneity and surprises. Not Google Calendar reminders and Notion roadmaps.
Chen Yang, a lawyer, offers a counterpoint: project-managing the ‘boring’ parts of life together can leave more time for romance.
The 34-year-old and his wife have synced work and personal calendars, separate chat groups to track things like bills and things to be grateful for, as well as a gratitude journal they update weekly.
“I’d recommend couples figure out what part of their shared lives generates stress and quarrels and find a common way to deal with or mitigate that. It then shields your actual relationship from the battering of life.”
In a similar vein, Quek and Yeo, a married couple who want to go by their last names, tell me that structuring emotional check-ins every six months helps keep them on the same page in terms of the state of the relationship, the outlook, and areas of improvement.
“We’re typically heavily occupied by our day-to-day tasks. Setting aside some time to review our relationship allows time for introspection and retrospection.”
Having a structured bi-annual check-in also allows them to actively resolve underlying issues rather than passively float through life together, the banking and finance professionals say.
Rennes Lee, a 29-year-old senior video strategist, concurs that the structure and clarity of corporate culture have helped her relationship. Since university, she and her partner have set goals—which they call ‘modules’—and given each other scores at the end of each year.
For example, one of Rennes’ modules for the year was to spend more time with her in-laws, something they both agreed she could work on.
“He will look at my ‘performance’ and compliment me on any improvement. Once the ‘target’ has been met, it no longer will be mentioned again,” she explains.
At first, her partner was sceptical of the scoring system as he didn’t want their relationship to feel transactional. But he eventually came around once he saw how it helped align their goals and bring clarity.
“It has helped our relationship because I tend to be very emotional when I get criticism or feedback about my behaviour, but when it is framed as something that can be worked on or improved, it is more neutral,” Rennes reflects.
If these goal-setting strategies get shit done in the workplace, why not bring them into our love lives, too?
Maybe Singaporeans really do communicate best through corporate speak.
Touching Base
In the workplace, professionalism means staying civil and polite no matter what. Instead of saying, “Can you even read?” we say, “As per my last email”.
When disagreements flare up, corporate communication strategies can help smother the flames of a lover’s quarrel. After all, most workplaces are all about fostering healthy communication. Meanwhile, relationships—with their messy emotions—can be a lot harder to navigate.
Camila*, a 28-year-old who works in media, tells me she and her partner do after-action reviews (AAR) after each conflict.
Her partner initiated the AAR exercises a few months into dating, explaining that it was his way of clearing things up and working towards preventing similar arguments in the future.
“It was a bit strange at first because I’m not used to addressing issues like that. But over time, I saw the benefits because it gave us both an idea of each other’s triggers.”
She adds: “Doing the AAR has definitely helped us with communicating, and I think on my part it’s helped me become more aware of how to disagree with him ‘productively’, i.e. focusing on the issue and not making it personal.”
For Aisha*, a freelance facilitator for educational and leadership programmes, the facilitation skills she picked up at work were instrumental when her relationship hit a snag.
It was about four months in when her relationship with her then-boyfriend began to feel stagnant. It was as if he was coasting after closing the sale.
“As facilitators, we also always do a lot of reflection. But we never provide the answer. I just started throwing him reflection questions like: Do you think there is more to our relationship? How do you feel about us? Are we going to progress?”
Every week, they would have a reflection session. While it was an uphill battle at the start, her once-reserved boyfriend began opening up and taking a more proactive role in the relationship.
“When I first told my friends, they pitied my husband because it’s like going through some camp or counselling session,” the 30-year-old laughs.
These structured reflection sessions worked so well that they’re now husband and wife, expecting their first child.
“I strongly encourage everyone to pick up facilitation skills,” she remarks. “It’s not just for work. It can also be applied to life and relationships. We all need to navigate through changes and difficulties.”
Closing the Loop
At face level, this tendency to infuse romantic relationships with frameworks seems like an occupational hazard. Something we Singaporeans do because we’re (supposedly) Type A with sterile personalities and obsessed with the pursuit of 360-degree success.
Of course, there can be drawbacks. For someone unfamiliar with corporate jargon, having a partner trot out workplace communication configurations can be a culture shock. You’re seeking affection, not an HR coach.
Being too businesslike with your partner also risks sacrificing emotional intimacy or spontaneity. Workplaces are very much about efficiency, output, and boundaries. Relationships, on the other hand, require so much more than that—passion, vulnerability, and the willingness to tackle ugly emotions.
But the more couples I speak to, the more it seems like project-managing relationships are necessary, even if the methods aren’t always obvious. At the end of the day, every successful long-term relationship relies on shared goals, mutual support, and clear communication.
Chen Yang puts it this way: “I think for every great relationship out there, there’s always a constant need and focus to carry out periodic maintenance. If we don’t make intentional space for each other, life will pull us in different directions.”
What does this say about us? For one, we probably, definitely work too much. But in all seriousness, I don’t think we Singaporeans are an unromantic bunch. This is simply how we show our love to our significant others—by being deliberate about carving time out for each other and being explicit in our commitment to the relationship.
In the two years since my partner and I have started implementing these project management techniques, I’ve learnt that structure and schedule doesn’t have to replace organic, emotional connections.
In fact, knowing that you and your partner are equally committed and accountable in the relationship—and having tangible documentation of this—just makes it easier.
Forget Acts of Service or Words of Affirmation. I’m proposing a new love language: Performance Reviews. It might not be flashy or worthy of a rom-com. But if it works, it works.
