We’re all guilting of creeping (stalking) on social media. Whether it’s for personal or professional reasons, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t done it before. But what do you do when you accidentally like someone’s – or worse, an ex’s – Instagram picture from 3 years ago?
While these accidents often go unnoticed or unacknowledged, sometimes, the person whose photo you drunkenly liked at 4am may choose to ask you about it. So what do you do?
You can either take the high road and run, or you can face the music like the Instagram creep you are. In the event that you ever find yourself confronted for your Instagram creeping habits, here are 5 strategies you can employ.
1. Cast Doubt
Unlike it immediately and it’ll disappear from their activity feed. Not many people know about this, so just do it. Unless they’re obsessed enough to screenshot the notification and provide evidence (if this happens, refer to point 2), you’re in the clear.
When asked about it, reply, “Are you sure it was me?”
Then sit back and watch them grow increasingly nervous as they try and track down your ‘like’ in vain.
For added conviction, simply channel your inner Kristen Stewart. For the uninitiated, this involves assuming an open-mouthed slightly wide-eyed and glazed over expression resembling that of a stoner.
When they finally give up, confused and filled with self-doubt, give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Also, make an appointment to pick up your Insta Creep Oscar on the way home.
2. Turn the Tables
So, they have the receipts. They thought they were smart enough to screenshot your like.
You’re about to prove them wrong.
When confronted, question them, “Why do you even care? Is it because … you care about me?”
Make sure to pause for dramatic effect.
If this doesn’t seem to work, proceed to lay on the emotional blackmail.
“Are you watching my every move? Do you know how embarrassing and uncomfortable this is making me? I think I’m going to cry!”
To make it convincing, ensure that you’ve got eye drops and a big yawn handy.
While he/she frantically fishes for some tissue paper, go on to insist that your privacy has been impinged on and that the organs of the State are being used against you. Don’t hold back.
After this episode, you may be labelled as a lunatic. But that’s still better than being labelled an Insta creep.
When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Instead of trying to correct your mistake, why not go the whole hog and like all the other 37 photos they posted in 2014.
You can either show him/her who you really are, a blundering butter-fingered fool, or you can rise above, and be a free-spirited Instagrammer whose ‘likes’ are not constrained by chronological order. The choice is yours.
4. Run
Start building your mileage. Run 3 to 5 times a week. The week before, consume carbohydrate-rich foods. Get outfitted in a pair of Under Armour compression tights. Purchase a hydration belt. Maybe two. Buy a cluster of bananas the morning of. Eat three. Store the rest for the long run later. Do some dynamic stretching exercises. Make sure you don’t neglect the hips.
When you see them approaching, take a sip of water from your hydration belt. Hydration improves endurance. Double knot your shoelaces, you can’t afford to be slowed down. Plug into your running playlist so you don’t hear them shouting your name as they chase you down.
Be sure to pick up your Insta Creep Running Singlet and Medal at the end of your run. Proudly display it on your wall when you get home.
Repeat if necessary.
5. Shift the Blame
Although the question, “What are friends for?” is usually meant to be a rhetorical one, your Insta creeping habits may finally require your friends to put their money where their mouth is.
And so, before you decide on whether to get matching necklaces, tattoos or to start a Snapchat streak together, first take this true test of friendship.
When confronted, ensure you have a friend with you. Let’s call the friend Shirley. Link arms with Shirley. Tell him/her that it was Shirley who liked the photo. Proceed to give Shirley The Look the says, The Rest Of Our Friendship Hinges On What You Do Next. Tighten your grip ever so slightly on Shirley’s arm. Pray that Shirley catches on.
Watch as your friendship is either sealed, or ruined forever – oh and your reputation too.
No pressure Shirley. No pressure.
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Unfortunately, time machines haven’t been invented yet. Regardless of which option you go for, with a success rate of 45% on the abovementioned methods, know that the damage is more or less, already done. Either way, this won’t end well on your part, so why not go out with a bang?
