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Top image credit: YogaJournal

8.07am: Cat Pose (Marjaryasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Round the spine towards the ceiling. Inhale and exhale.

What I actually thought: Am I really about to do this? Yes. I already paid $50 for this damn class and bought a new pair of tights. New month, new me. Right, inhale, exhale. I hope the girl that used this mat before me didn’t sweat all over it. Inhale, exhale.

 

8.16am: Downward-Facing Dog (Adho Mukha Svanasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Keep the head between the upper arms. Lengthen the back and open the shoulders.  

What I actually thought: I’m doing it! I’m really doing it! I feel fantastic! I can already feel my heart pumping and the blood rushing to my head! It’s working! I think I just saw the instructor smile in my direction. I feel so validated now. I regret nothing. Yoga is great!

 

8.38am: The Happy Baby Pose (Ananda Balasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Calm the brain. Keep the ankles directly over the knees. Feel the stretch in the inner groin and back.

What I actually thought: I’m really getting the hang of this Yoga stuff. Who ever said Yoga was hard? It’s been 30 minutes and I’m feeling so much more centered and aware. Like wow, who knew my toes were so ugly?

 

8.46am: The Ear Pressure Pose

Image credit: Yoga Class Plans
What I’m supposed to think: Cutting off external stimuli and focusing on breathing.

What I actually thought: I’m stuck. I’m well and truly stuck. How did I end up doing this? Oh God, I can’t feel my hands, I can’t feel my butt. I regret everything. Inhale. Exhale.

 

8.55am: The Garland Pose (Malasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Ensure the ankles, groin, and back torso are equally stretched.

What I actually thought: Ah, this is better. This, I can do. Nevermind that the last time I was in this pose I was shitting after a spicy Mala lunch. Oh Mala sounds good. Okay don’t think about that. Think about Yoga. Mala is great!

 

9.06am: Half Moon Pose (Ardha Chandrasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Straighten the knee. Keep the gaze forward and maintain a steady balance.  

What I actually thought: The mat is sweaty and I’m about 3 seconds away from losing my balance and splitting my head open. Things have taken a turn for the worst. I see the instructor frowning at me from across the room. I also have a wedgie. Help.

 

9.20am: Crow Pose (Bakasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Keep the back rounded and inner knees up high. The head is up, not hanging.

What I actually thought: Nope. I’m not even going to try. The instructor is definitely avoiding eye contact now. Maybe if I just sit here, no one will notice that I’m not actually doing anything.

 

9.33am: Supported Headstand (Salamba Sirsasana)

Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Press the wrists actively into the floor. Place the weight onto the outer forearms. Keep the legs straight.  

What I actually thought: Can I just hide in the bathroom until all this is over?

9.45am: Corpse Pose (Savasana) 
Image credit: YogaJournal
What I’m supposed to think: Rest my shoulder blades evenly on the floor, spread my collarbones. Inhale. Exhale. Relax.

What I actually thought: I don’t know what I was so scared for, this is fantastic! I feel so relaxed and toned already! Best choice I made all week. I’m so going to sign up for a membership right after this! I wonder what tights I’ll wear to class next week. Maybe blue? Wow, Yoga is great!

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