Dear Kelleigh: I Don’t Want to Visit Halimah Yacob!
My boyfriend really wants to make a trip down to Yishun to visit Halimah Yacob’s flat but I couldn’t care less. What do you think I should do?
You should do him a favour and break up with him.
I know people pleasers like you, the kind who are so terrified of disappointing others that they will bend over so far backwards, even if no one asks them to. You think you’re being a loving girlfriend, but your disturbing lack of boundaries is why he probably doesn’t respect you.
Why do you want your boyfriend to think you want to visit Halimah Yacob’s flat? What next? Give up white rice because our Prime Minister said so? Don’t be fucking insane. Draw the line now.
If you need help saying ‘no’ to a simple thing like this, you have bigger problems than deciding whether to check out a stupid flat in Yishun. For once in your life, stop being a pushover and push back.
I have a perfect life: I have a job, a good family, a boyfriend, and a few close friends. But I am depressed as hell, I don’t know why, and am unable to explain the actual problem. Also, I don’t need help.
– Sad Girl
Dear Sad Girl,
Oh but you do need help.
First, acknowledge that, then stop this bullshit. You say you don’t need it, and yet you write to me?
Next, change your perception of seeking help. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, which I’m sure you already understand. The shame you feel is more harmful than depression itself. Start with baby steps: ditch the pseudonym next time you write in.
Finally, realise that you don’t need a shitty life to have depression. Mental illness doesn’t fit into neat little boxes.
But I’m really just here to shit on your dreams. Embrace the suck. Get actual help.
Contact the Samaritans of Singapore: 1800-221-4444.
I used to be close to this colleague. But lately she treats me passive aggressively and refuses to talk to me. I have tried asking her why she treats me like shit, but she isn’t willing to share. How do I deal with her?
– Lyn, 28
No offence, but not everything is about you. Even if she had an initial problem with you, the problem now has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her conflict-avoidant tendencies. You can’t control the latter, so stop being so eager to please.
Become friends with colleagues who are also adults. These are people who will be able to thrash out problems when you confront them, and then still go for lunch with you.
I know, maturity can be so shocking.
Count yourself lucky. This colleague has shown you her true colours. And you, as far as I know, are not colour blind.