The Straits Times
You are an ordinary Singaporean, not radical enough to protest the status quo but not okay with it either. The comments section is your happy place because complaining IRL has real consequences.
You would prefer to read the Straits Times, but there’s no way in hell you’re paying for that premium subscription.
You genuinely believe hard work, passion, and good intentions will help you succeed in a meritocratic society like Singapore. You might also believe mermaids are real.
Yahoo is your preferred search engine and you’re still updating your Myspace profile in 2018. Last month, you shared an article on Facebook and tagged your friends excitedly. It was about the launch of the iPhone 3GS.
You are the Batman of petty misdemeanours. As the hero that Singapore neither needs nor deserves, you keep our McDonald’s safe from students and scare away any NSFs who dare sit on the MRT. Enjoy your medal.
Congratulations, you are the digital media equivalent of a 1 Meat 2 Veg.
The Smart Local
You tag 49 of your friends every time a new Korean BBQ opens. Bangkok is your Mecca and you prove your devotion by making an annual pilgrimage to its hipster night markets.
Your ambition in life is to find a rainbow-unicorn poached egg for your Instagram story.
You are either a high SES expat or you dream of becoming one. But deep down inside, you know that all the brunches in the world will not turn Toa Payoh into Melbourne.
You think you’re super edgy and a hardcore rebel, but you don’t dare to leave your unhappy job. You don’t even jaywalk. The only solution for your misery is to get over yourself.
Your 50-year-old neighbour finally appreciates your sense of humour, as do your parents, uncles, aunts, and grandparents. Your friends do not.
You once submitted a personal essay to Thought Catalog. It got published. This gives you the confidence to advise your best friend on the five signs that a Gemini guy likes her.
You “stan” a dozen different celebrities, and your “daddy” is not your father. No one above 23 really knows what you’re talking about.
You get an erection whenever someone says ‘startup’, ‘fintech’ or ‘entrepreneurship’. What you really want for Christmas is a life-size portrait of Elon Musk to hang above your bed.
You’re also looking for someone to share your Bitcoin fetish.
You know five different ways to wear chino pants. One way is with a blue chambray shirt and moccasins. Another way is with whatever matches your Instagram feed.
After all these years, you’re still trying to be Tommy Wee.
The Online Citizen
You fancy yourself a champion of the underdogs and declared your love for Sylvia Lim just once this year. Secretly you are part of the 70%.
States Times Review
You voted Tan Kin Lian for President.